How many tears does it take?

Day 1:
I'm halfway through my first day without her... I can't stop crying. I've never been happier then when I was with my Sweetheart but now she's not mine... All I ever wanted was to make her happy but the only way I can do that is to let her go.

How many tears does it take to mend a broken heart?

I will always love you...

Day 2.
Well I'm feeling so much better than yesterday but I have a feeling it'll be peaks and valleys for a while until the pain starts to really diminish.

I miss you, Sweetheart.

Day 3.
Well I had one more conversation with her and it was just awful. We fought which is not what I wanted but I very rarely get that. I guess my mom was right that there is no such thing as true love.

I should've listened to you, mom...

Day 4.
I got back in contact with her again but it only ended with disaster. I gave her what I think she wanted I drove her even further away so she can be free of me but is that what she really wanted? Questions in my mind keep popping up, should I have fought for us? Should I have held onto her? Should I have been selfish for once in my god damn life? I don't know anymore...

God please help take this pain away? :'(

Day 6.
It's starting to finally sink in... She's gone and she's never coming back... All my efforts to keep her happy make her feel loved and adored by me over the two years we were together are all for nothing like none of it mattered to her... Like I never mattered to her.

My heart is thoroughly destroyed and I don't have it in me to love again...

Day 9.
I've come to realize that no matter what decision she made she'd end up in pain because of me... She could either stay with a man she's not inlove with anymore and be unhappy or break up with him knowing how much he loves her and how heart broken he'll be... Either way because of me she's hurt no matter what and I never wanted that I only wanted to make her happy. I wish I never existed so she never would've met me!

For the first time in my life I regret being born...

Day 12

I haven't felt this alone before in my life my friends have helped me so much and they're always there for me but I miss and need that depth that I had with her it wasn't about sex or looks we had a deep connection we were so compatible and now she's changed and I don't know her anymore and that saddens me terribly...

I miss my Sweetheart...

Day 15:
I've lost two great friends recently because they had feelings for me and the circumstances and differences are quite complicated but to put it simply they wanted more and I couldn't give it to them and they couldn't handle my rejection and I couldn't handle their drama so I'm not speaking to either of them anymore.

Why did she have to leave me?

I'm sick of feeling this way! I'm sick of wanting what I had and can't have anymore! I'm sick of feeling empty inside! I'm fucking sick of knowing that she's not attracted to me anymore and that she doesn't love me when she was the one that made me love her to begin with! I hate this feeling and I wish it would just go away so I can live my life again!!!

Day 16:
It's hard knowing that she'll only think of me as just one of her mistakes and that what we had meant nothing to her... I was such a fool to think she actually loved me when all she ever did was use me just like all the others.

Day 28:
Well today I found out she has a new boyfriend and I'm both happy for her and devastated at the same time. My mind is racing thinking about everything and I can't stop it I need it to stop and leave me alone! Why did she do this to me?

Day 121:
It's been quite a while since I updated this log and so much and so little has happened and changed so I won't bore you with details I'm just still dealing with this pain and "She" doesn't have a place in my heart anymore I'm happy to say because she was nothing but poison to it and a horrible girlfriend TBH I put so much work into the relationship and then she left so I'm done caring about her.